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09 November 2009 @ 11:56 pm

Ditching your oldself?

I must say.. Today is the most annoying a colleague of mine could get!!

First is why in the world did ~~Ah Yong~~ got to be blame as useless when he's on the line??? I was on the line too.. Now YOU tell me who should ans the next call if it weren't CALLER 3! NO!! I'm not siding him cos he's better but it's because i saw with my own eyes! And totally NO REASON to be like that! C'mon la..be reasonable will ya? Neither CALLER 1 nor CALLER 2 was free AT THAT POINT OF TIME!!!

Geez boy.. He's becoming someone whom everyone is hating so much!! Even AA also dislike him though she's outside!! Geez boy! Wake up and smell the coffee!!!

WE are not red-eye or green-eye over you becoming close to ur "daddy" and "mummy" but don't you realize that they are making use of you???? He really gotta smell the COFFEE!!

He's becoming insane ok! and just now i ask him nicely if he got chocolate in the locker (we always ask food from each other..mind you..its usually me, ~~ah yong~~, bong and yaya boy) And guess what i got from him??? I.. Was.. Yelled.. At.. "APE LAH?!" (tak ke sakit hati when we've done nothing but kena yell at? mcm pukz tau prangai. makin lame makin ngada-ngada) Start to throw tantrum..bang here there stuff.. Don't want to do then DON'T DO!! Just cos you the most doted one by them, i'm sure your life won't be peaceful one day. DON'T take things for GRANTED. Since you can onlii survive with mummies, i bet you felt even better with daddy around to even sent you home by car.. GOOD JOB DOGGY!! (~~Ah Yong~~ could him "puppy") Good luck in all you do..

Wake up. Wake up. I'm no position to make you my enemy but don't try me.. You won't survive alone out there.. And i don't care if you read my blog or not. BECAUSE you are getting on my NERVE!!

"The BEST usually the first to FALL"

Darl: no worries bebeh..obviously its nothing at all about you or us.. love you always..

I'm feelin ..... :

irritated

Scribble Here

08 November 2009 @ 07:29 pm

Yesterday had a great time with Darl.. When to Palawan for chillout as always. Been kinda long since we've done dat. Slurping Baron and Vodka Coke. I gt tipsy.. End up we wen to .......... (surprise surprise..)

I melt when he said to me softly that he missed sleeping with me.. OMG!! He said it twice or thrice.. Geez.. I miss sleeping with him too.. Longing to snuggle up at night.. Darl, you are not the only one feeling that.. And the part were you did not get angry (correct me if i'm wrong k) when i got into emotional..he hug me tightly.. I never want to lose you darling.. Dats why i do get jealous but like he said its normal to jealous and every human does get jealous..ryte? You ARE the one for me. I have found my soulmate. You're the best!!

(Hey! I puji not for the sake of puji k.. I felt its my part to tell you.. It's the fact.. )

We've been thru soo much and i just hope that one day when his wish is granted to be "M", he got his perfect body, I really hope he does not loose himself into it too.. I love him dearly and willingly to go thru all the procedure together.. He captured my heart and my aim is to save money for our wedding.I want to be officially his. Legally his wife. Please please don't be someone else when you got the body of your dream.. I love you for your heart and soul..not your outlook cos i overcome that.. :)

I'm feelin ..... :

content

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02 November 2009 @ 08:58 pm

Wednesday pls hurry up !!!!

I'm missing Darl soo dearly.. *sigh*

I can't wait for him to come back and spend lots of time with him.. Then later book our hotel for Dec and maybe chill out go drinking.. WuHoo..

I miss all those times staying at his house where we chill out at coffee shop having Baron and Ban Mien tom yam noodle. Hehe.. Snuggle up in your arm and fall asleep. Mumbling into your ears til i dream of you.

Of cos, i'm not the girl whom woke up early morning to prepare breakfast for him or stay up late to wake him up. I'm sorry but no one is the same and even if i did that, i might not be myself! Faking it to be that goody wife? I'm not that. What he sees in me for 2yrs of staying at his house is the REAL me.

I dislike to be disturb when i'm sleeping, dislike nagging early in the morning, dislike too loud noises.. But i love to eat with you, snuggle up watch tv with you and maybe ~~bath~~ with you?? Hehe.. OOppZZ!!! Hehe. You should know me by now..

I don't mine if you face the lappie as long as i can lay down on your lap.. :)

I llluuurrvvveee to snuggle up la so like cat right.. Gosh!! I miss all that now!! It's been 2 mths since i moved back here and things doesn't seem to change much.. Of cos especially behind my back i do not know any episode.

Suddenly i miss eating kacang botol with sambal belacan with your mum!! HEHEHEHE... Whenever i ate my fav food, I would remember of your mum and dad.. and you too dear.. so much memory so little space..

Forbidden love of ours is yet to be laid out to the final conclusion.....

fingers crossed.. prayed hard.. that we will be blessed by both our parents for marriage and children... :)

LOVE YOU SO MUCH DARLING..

I'm feelin ..... :

hopeful

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29 October 2009 @ 06:54 pm

I bet so. Hehe. It started of with sore throat. I quickly bought cough med and flu med to standby. i didn't wan tot mc la. MC at hm oso do nothing or maybe i become depressed and start thinkin of Darl. Makes me cry. Avoid is the best solution. My parent didnt check on me that i was sick. I didnt tell them too.

Yesterday, as soon as reached home, i ate the medics and slept.. since 6.45pm i was in bed til the next morning 7.10pm woke up for work. My body started to ache.Took medication again. Now i feel worst so gonna sleep soon. rest more.

I got leave for wed and thurs. Hope to spend time with Darl on thurs la. THE WHOLE DAY!! PLZZZ

He's coming back on Wed. Too bad spy didnt get to join cos he's on reservist.

Gotta go now. Need to rest.

Btw, i got a whole bunch of games for my NDS from Indra. Thnx bro!!

I miss Darl soo much..Cant wait to see him..
..he became dark liao..

I'm feelin ..... :

sick

Scribble Here

25 October 2009 @ 11:44 pm

Had my hair done today

Highlight magenta red color. but it was such a pathetic wait at Snipe Avenue. Gosh!

Did some minor groceries at NTUC.

Then had dinner at Boon Keng. Ate mutton soup. Behind us is CD boys. In the van, i burp out loud then my mum said, "You burp like that the fireman also don't want to near you"

I replied,"I'm not interested oso. Then i shall burp even louder even of them"

I mean like WTF?! I mention alot about Darl at A.D. and he's sick then she said "Drink more water don't til dehydrate"

YAYA onlii.. haha..

Anyway Darl, no worries.. i've not been crying lately. I shoot more of you here and there when i talk. Especially when buying groceries. Like the rice we always choose for your mum, you using olive oil, tom yam paste and how your mum masak the sambal. I dont care. I just push you into the picture. haha.

Gotta sleep now. gd nite baby. muackz.

Scribble Here

25 October 2009 @ 01:14 am

Marina Barrage & Night Safari

After work, met my parent for lunch at Joo Chiat, Hajah Maimunah nasi padang. Got lemak siput sedut, lemak pucuk ubi, botok-botok and kacang botol cecah with sambal belacan. Fuyoo.. Best la.. Love all these foods..

Then we went over to Marina Barrage since they haven't been there. Nothing much actually but alot of peepz are flying kites actually. Still like the same old marina south (if you still remember).

Next stop, Night Safari. And i totally forgotten about the Halloween event!! Upon reaching there, got this scary aladin guy holding a 'hand' came towards me trying to scare me but i just smile back at him. Haha! Not much of a scary thingy but we saw some kinda cool 'ghost' hanging around! Like.. Edward Scissorshand, Butcher Clown, Red girl with doll, Black widow, crazy joker, mummy, vampire, hutchback, surgeon, nurse and wolf-man. These are a few of the "stars" of the night. But the best active performance is the Butcher Clown, Crazy Joker & Aladdin. Usually they come to you quietly from behind esp the young girls and "boo" you. haha.

I duno how many years back since i came to Night Safari. haha..

Anyway, i did enjoy myself. Tomolo gonna do something with my hair. Hmm.. Need to save some for my hotel thingy too..

Miss you sayang buchuk tee toq..
Love you always.

I'm slackin ..... : Singapore, Singapore

I'm feelin ..... :

tired

Scribble Here

22 October 2009 @ 06:23 pm

Dammit! i am missing you already. Now is 6+pm so definitely you're still on the plane enjoying the condiments on board. Haha. I had to walk off quickly or else i would cried non-stop. I straight went to toilet and cried. Manage to control it d'oh.

Went over to T3 and remembered about WiWi. I bought it (impulsively.sori) But at least i could sleep with it. Hehe. Then i went to Popeye's to takeaway. Took mrt to Tanah Merah cos i couldn't see any taxi stand at T3. haha. The takeaway so heavy la. The cab back from Tanah Merah is $10. If from T3 would cost even more and extra $5.

As soon as i entered my room, i broke down. crying out loud. Hmm. Im soo so sad la. Im just trying to keep things goin by not thinkin of u. mcm make myself busy. If i think of u i would definitely cry.

I guess by the time you read this, you already at the PA. Hows things there? Isit chaotic or anitin? Hows food on plane and ur lunch or dinner at base camp?

I realise.. u abis keje 9pm sane, here is 5am. I need to count backward 8hr but u need to count 8hr forward. sheesh..

Im missing you soo much already..

Love you. Take care tau. Be careful. Be alert.

Muackz.

I'm slackin ..... : in moi crib

I'm feelin ..... :

sad

Scribble Here

16 October 2009 @ 08:07 pm

One is not enough

Which one ?? haha.

One news is enough to make me super sad and lonely while the other is about being frustrated at something but i had, really had to control and that's the best i can do.

Firstly, Axl going to Abu Dhabi next wednesday. That's really pathetic cos im stuck here in singapore alone and not being able to follow. *smack on the head* of cos dummy, i can't follow for job assignment. anyway, being in different house is enough for me to miss him alot, what else if its at Abu Dhabi ?? Gosh. This is killing me. And furthermore, project extended. DANG!!!

I don't know why we always have misunderstanding nowadays. Its really scary and irritating. When i want things to go perfect, it'll end up un-perfect. Is it cos we are far apart (house) from each other? The times when i staying at his house, we don't have this type of problem. or is it stress overtaking our lives? or is it normal to be misunderstanding? or is it an act of the "magic" (to hate each other)..?? hmmm..

we misunderstood but we're ok soon after. but its really sickening when all dis happen for the stupid reason. deep in my heart of cos i dun want to let him go. we've gone dis far..so im not wasting it..

im clueless now. im trying to figure things out as in why cant we be like what we used to be..

I'm feelin ..... :

sad

Scribble Here

15 October 2009 @ 10:07 pm

sitting at home..

spending time at home watching Crow Zero. and will be watching Crow Zero 2 tomorrow after work or maybe on saturday since i don't intend to go out. my parent said tomorrow Cik Mat da anak do a bbq b'day thingy. its kinda boring when i got no one to talk to and surrounded by adults and unfamiliar faces and i miss him so much.. he's gonna be working during the holidays. sooo bored.. maybe i spend my time sleeping the whole two days. haha.

project gonna end soon. oh ya, Qian is coming back tonite.. WELCOME BACK TO SINGAPORE. hahahaha. the best crowd to joke about is 4 of my colleague. H, I, A and Q. 2 guys and 2 girls. they really gerek la and fill up the crazy time at work with laughter. haha. *thumbs up peepz*

and about my motorcross trip.. im still considering.. 1 more week to consider.. Geez.. i guess have to delay that thing. DAMMIT.

he's on the way home now. kesian tee toq i ni.. i miss him soo dearly seh..

gonna sleep now. by the way, just a gentle reminder, THIS IS MY BLOG. I SAY WHAT I WANT AND I DO WHAT I WANT. LIKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

take care lovelies.. catch up with ya on another time i blog. hahahaha

I'm feelin ..... :

bored

Scribble Here

08 October 2009 @ 11:14 pm

Having a rough time controlling my anger. This girl at Darl workplace got a hint on him. She's attached,by the way. And I hope so DOES know that Darl's attached. Anyway, i appreciate Darl telling me that she touch him and hold his hand and smell him even when he felt irritated about it. If he would be FIERCE enough to show her "NO" singboard then i dun think she dare to touch again but there's no proper stand up to her. How long is this gonna happen?

yesterday i sms Darl during lunch time whether "THAT GIRL" still touching him or not. He said yes. So I ask for her number. He said he didn't have any. OK. fine. But today when i met him, story spills. Yesterday morning the "GIRL" kept msgin him asking where he is and he still have her number even before my lunch time. WTH!! I just dun understand ok. He dun give me her number cos he dun wan me to hurt her but i'm HURTING inside does he even care? If i say this he will say at least or good enough i tell you about this. Ya. I know. I can see that. D'uh!!

Telling the honest always have the consequences. I know. And thats what im facing. Well at least he can be caring enough to "pujuk" me what. Who's mistake here? He was quiet for awhile. Is it my mistake? Or is it his but he just dun want to admit??? I just ask if he got the girl number. If he would reply "I have but i dun want to give you. Don't make matter worst" At least i know he does have the number and prevent from giving me in case i throw up a fight at her. He can tell me nicely don't do this or that but he hide this??? Doesn't he know i'm even hurt when he does this?? Gosh!

He wanna save her but drown me instead. FINE!! I'll drown and suffocate in my tears thinking of the hurts. i acted to be ok but i was NOT. i try to be "manja" but he refused to be soft-headed and hurt me even harder. My moody come n go. But his, its not easy to please.

Please la, we are like seldom meet already so don't things ruin our precious time meeting each other. I prefer he to be honest but there's still secret that i did not know off.

If i am not perfect for you, just say so. Please. Im trying to control my emotion with you but it's really getting outta hand and i breakdown. LIKE NOW. Does he know how much i love him?! Does he now how much i struggle to be ok when i am not ok cos i think of the positive reason he taught me. Its tumbling down baby. Thats why i'm depressed...

And to that bitch, i guess karma return to her. I dun wan to fight with Darl becos of some crazy bitch. I just wanted to let him know i'm hurt. I miss the old you sayang..So carefree. Bring your guitar to sentosa and waste time there. I miss those times...

After all this, i still love you dear. I just want him to now how i really feel inside. Hurt but i need some loving too.. Love ya.

1 Vandalizer | Scribble Here

05 October 2009 @ 06:32 pm

Geez.. I got migrane when i was at werk. Dammit. Had to pop into Ming Clinc for consultation cos i can't bear to wait any longer for MC. Can't take leave too cos someone wants to take leave (every monday) but was disapprove. Hope tomolo i'll better. Seems like my MC is alot lately. last week i got 2 days. Hmm.. I know my boss hated it but too bad la. Anyway, if he wants to fire me, go ahead. I dont care. Cos i was really sick. Geez..

Anyway, Darl having OJT at woodlands checkpoint. I tink Cisco taking over back dat place. hmm.. At least much nearer for him.

Yesterday went out jalan raya. His home, and 2 of his friends. End up kinda depressed la but we resolve it liao.

--Darl-- sorry la i'm juz not used to it yet. but i try k. need your patience, guidance and encouragement. muackz.

well, alot of things happen lately. When no one knows about his transition, all were well. But once your closest one knew about your relationship with an FTM, its really not easy.

God's will. We will get thru.

Scribble Here

01 October 2009 @ 10:47 pm

Studying a life long journey ??

Is it true or is it not ??

I dont understand why parents deprived their from studying further when they DO NOT have to fork out any amount. Its very "old-fashion". They expect their kid to work and support them financially then arouse the topic of them getting old soon, etc..

I find it ridiculous. If parents are working and yet they are demanding for money, what happen to their salary? I though parents are the one who support their kids while they still can work. Hmm..

Well, not everyone has the same point of view. ;)

I'm feelin ..... :

blank

Scribble Here

29 September 2009 @ 01:55 pm

I've just created a network..

Hi,

I've just created a network for partners of ftm. I hope you give support in this network to share our views and help each other. To know more about my life too, sign up and join me in my journey with an FTM..

partnersoftransmen.ning.com

Scribble Here

05 September 2009 @ 05:00 pm

At werk now.. going to Geylang later joinin darl family.. My parenthad already bought paint.. gonna paint moi room in lavender color and white window grill and door. :) darl said the color choice very calming.. alot i wanted to do wit moi room.. tot of laminating my flooring wt paquet design.. Ikea have it cheap d'oh.. My dad gonna paint the house lime green.. not so bright la.. haha.. i need to buy cupboards and stuff for my room.. sheesh..

Raya's coming, how was ur preparation? mine not yet even done... slowly la.. haha.. left 2-3 more wks siah..

Gotta go now..

Darl: Love u always.. remember that..

I'm slackin ..... : werk

I'm feelin ..... :

calm

1 Vandalizer | Scribble Here

03 September 2009 @ 06:59 pm

I'm back at my own home !!

Soo..Its been roughly two weeks since i left his house.. Sad departure but i'm trying to make things better at my own home. (fingers crossed)..

Missing my bebeh everyday.. Miss snuggling with him.. Missing his kisses eevry single day..

Meeting awhile for dinner isnt enough. boo huu huu :_(

Well, praying everything will go smoothly. God bless. will blog soon again.. buyin lappie next mth maybe..

Daaaa...

I'm slackin ..... : werk..

Scribble Here

18 August 2009 @ 05:32 pm

Uninvited Guest

Its been long since i blog stuff. D'uh, i do not have any lappie at the moment. Im on mc for 2 days. Tomorrow gonna be back for werk.

Well, alot of things happened lately.

Let me share the critical one first!

I text my STEP-mum about how she find Darl. Obviously, it is not a good idea d'oh.. Cos the answer never change in their head and in their religion perspective. I drop the topic. She thought i was gonna come to visit during PH but i didnt. Instead i spent time with Darl. The next day she asked why didnt i came over but hey! i didnt said anything about coming over?! I just asked if they were at home or not. Cos my thinking was that i wanted to move back but my big freaking mouth said that if they didnt accept darl more than my friend, i'd rather stay where we are right now. Clearly, she was unhappy and got better think in her mind. I even told her about Darl speciality.

and guess what?!?!?
She came over to Darl house uninvitedly!!
Dammit!
She start the topic about me running away from home and about darl speciality and about we being in love.. his parent of course were off guard ny it especilly his step-dad. He did not know about it (darl speciality)

That morning, i went to werk as usual but didnt came back home. Darl accompany me. Thank dear!!
His mum text me to come home.

So last sunday, we had talks.
Good talk and advice, i must say.

Firstly, his step-dad didnt believe my step-mum 100%. You knoq when ppl lie, they tend to slipped of tongue?
Yea..Thats what happened.
Darl also manage to talk with step-dad one by one about his condition.
Conclusion, his step-dad were open and know that this speciality exist in this world!!
THANK GOD!!

At least he understand the condition cos he also have a ~~FTM brother-in-law~~.
So you see alot of secrecy is being open here.

And my step-mum?
Well, i text her if she's at home but no reply.

I guess her purpose to come to Darl house is because she thought we wer lying to them and thought his parent didnt know about his condition. Dammit!
Look at her, barging in into someone else home and talk sweet-symphatheticly to his parent for 2 hr!!
After 2yrs im staying only now they come o ask me to come back?
4 police report made against me running home?
Thats ridiculous!!
I wouldnt even get a job!!
She need to learn how to lie with facts!! Stoopid!
Now paiseh and cover back-side liao. as if i dunno.

but the final conclusion is, im going back to my home. Darl stepdad tell me to give them chance.
So i will.
Thank you uncle for ur advice and still willingly to accept me back if me an my parent didnt work out.
Love ya.

Lets move on now..
Darl P.O.P. is today!!! Tomorrow his last day in camp. He pass all his test.
Congratz!!

Oh ya!!
Congratz to Feeza & Razi - newly wed couple
Congratz to Raodah & partner - newly engaged couple.
Both occasion falls on National Day 09.09.09
SWEEEET!!

FORGIVE & FORGET
let me calm myself to this theory before i move back.

Hey!!
Fasting starts just around the corner!!
When should i move out?
soo cobaan sia..

Nwy,
HAPPY FASTING TO ALL MY DEAREST MUSLIM FRIEND!!
don't be notti notti open pots and pans!!
hehe..

see ya round folks!
muackz!

1 Vandalizer | Scribble Here

25 July 2009 @ 11:50 am

happy 21mths darl !!!

Suddenly tuning to 21 Guns by Green Day.. haha..

darl having high fever of 40 deg. damn.. but he's doing ok now. thank god!

i finished doing house chores and watching Street Fighter so-called latest movie later. and Push too. actually, i wanted to watch High Voltage at cinema at today but since darl is sick, kinda disappoinment doh.. i took leave today.. nevertheless, im happy to be around him.. :D

Anyway, its payday!!! haha..

I got two girlfriends b'day.. so.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY IVY & REKHA !!!!! All the best in whatever u do.. :)

Then i got weddings straight up for THREE weekend!! Dangathang..

ok.. gonna eat now before i faint..

oh ya!! Happy 21 Monthsary Dear! Love you!! Muackz!!

see ya peepz!!

I'm feelin ..... :

calm

Scribble Here

19 July 2009 @ 03:27 pm

been werking straight 2 wk! soon 3 wks before im on leave!! haha..

sick sia. having flu werking on sunday. actually can go back liao but im holding on to blog. been a long time sia. haha..

in a few mths time, i aim for gateway lappie.. wait for bonus la!! haha.

darl at home now.. and he left me with FOUR huge love-bite from 'sterday saucy nite!! haha.. i had to cover with my foundations. thankful for dat!! love him always. muackz!!

next saturday im on leave but i think like kena burn abit la cos darl is in camp. dammit!!!! dang the SI!! ooppzzzsie.. lol!

mum called 'sterday nite to tell me not to come down to their fishing pond area cos my ex fucker was their. THANX MUM !!!

so we spent our time at vivo. its been so long since we hang out there. dat was like our dating playground sia. haha.. memories.

oh no.. my nose is running..!!!

darl: u notti notti putty tat !! hehe.. love u bebeh..

D:congratz on that "P". watch your back aite!

mummy:thx for telling not to come there. i dreally dun wish to meet him la.

1 Vandalizer | Scribble Here

08 July 2009 @ 08:48 pm

can't go to lady gaga concert

i was so excited cos at least i had a friend whom interested in concert beside darl but ended up i cant go. and i dun wan to go. cos darl confessed he's jealous that he's in camp and im going with my colleague whom is 3yrs younger. he always treated me as big sis. haiz. so, yup.. there goes my excitement. (think on the bright side-maybe L.G. coming again to Spore) LOL!

too busy to blog and damn i cant use my pda animore. i curi2 use darl's bro comp, if i get da chance. :( so saddening gt no own comp.

i kept reading books and doing my project.

i must say, i really starting to hate exes. just cos there's something that cock up in their life, they blame me. FINE!! and due to my parent, they came chasing after me! same old pattern. same stoopid pattern.

all this things is affecting me. i made 2. TWO bloody mistake at werk and LUCKILY the clinic was so SUPER nice!! i gotta get out of this box and stand up on my feet again. need to be careful at werk. really feel like going to werk but at werk place only make me feel better. laugh with my colleague. joke n joke n joke. thanx peepz.

pls help me god. give me strength.

allly: i wish u would wake up one day and everyone just gone for good. how are you gonna survive? almost 30+ and u still cant accept facts and argue about the FACT!! grow up fucker!!

darl: im sori if it offended you.even if u let me go to the concert, i dun wan one day u bring the matter up. so its better den i shut up n listen to you.

ivy: happy super super advance birthday. scared i miss out. be good and take care. i let u noe if im dropping by. ;)

spy: i am so interested to be your project blogger. hope a lappie will drop from the sky!! haha.

good nite peepz.. watch FUNERAL CEREMONY FOR MJ on channel 5 later 2230hrs. RIP Micky. God Bless.

I'm feelin ..... :

depressed

Scribble Here

08 July 2009 @ 07:03 pm

... hope to get laptop soon.. :)

I'm slackin ..... : werk

Scribble Here

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